February 27th, 2008
In what should be the trial of existence, God, who is best known for his work on the Universe and such catch phrases as, “Let there be light!” and “I'll smite thee!”, has filed suit against the owners of Digg.com, claiming they stole their ideas from His “patented” platform for the Collective Consciousness.
“I was floored when I saw what the Digg.com guys were doing. I was all like, 'I came up with crowdsourcing before you were even born,” said God in an interview this past week. He continued with a vengeful fury, “Fools!”
When asked about how the Collective Consciousness platform worked, He said, “Well, I can't really go too much into the details since they would wipe you off the page of mortality, but, simply put, it works much like the Digg.com website. Basically, there are a bunch of thoughts generated everyday and the ones that are thought about more than the others start in the 'Upcoming' section of the human psyche and, eventually, can be boosted up to the 'Popular' section. Once in the 'Popular' section, an idea begins to manifest itself as a reality. It's really revolutionary when you think about it. But don't. You'll only hurt yourself.”
If God's claims to patent rights turn out in His favor, it could mean disaster for an entire industry of crowdsourcing based sites, such as Stumble Upon and del.icio.us, both of whom refused to comment before consulting with their attorneys on the matter.
When asked for a comment, Digg.com responded in a phone interview saying:
“Who? Oh, that God character? That guy spends all his days out on the street corner with a cardboard sign ranting about the end of the world. He's all talk and no bathe. We haven't received one official document from Him or His cronies. If He wants us to stop what we're doing, He's going to have to present a little more evidence than the old 'I thought of it first' claim. After all, isn't His so-called Collective Consciousness program responsible for all of this anyways?”
And it may be this final point by Digg.com that will be the biggest hurtle facing God's lawyers. Working against Him in the trial is the glaring and unfortunate (fortunate?) fact that His own Collective Consciousness is the very system responsible for keeping sites like Digg.com alive and thriving.
When asked if He thought this was going to keep him from winning the lawsuit, God roared, “Of course I'll win! This was all my idea in the first place!”